Performance Review

“With her smoky-eyes, dark straight hair, and perky little body, Chelsea would appear to have the potential to satisfy in the goth or girl-next-door modes. Alas, Chelsea seems intent on marketing herself as a sophisticated escort. With her flat affect, lack of culture, and her utter refusal to engage, Chelsea couldn’t even dazzle the likes of Forrest-Fucking-Gump. And that’s just where the problems begin. Just as her perky little tits seemed to literally shrink at my touch, so too did the connoisseur’s cock fail to launch at the clammy touch of her hand and the lukewarm and loose embrace of her mouth. To quote the great sage Jamie Gillis in Misty Beethoven, “this number is the nadir of passion”. A splendid time is absolutely not guaranteed for all.”

The Erotic Connoisseur
(The Girlfriend Experience)

To my son, the writer

“Something I never said too you much: I love you. My father never said it much either, and I thought I’d be different, but I guess I’m not. I’ve tried but somewhere along the line you slip back into what you know and I’m sorry about that. And I am sorry we haven’t talked in a while because I miss you, you’re a good kid and a funny kid, and you’re my only son. I said I never read your books but I lied, I read ‘em all, I just didn’t know how to talk about them with ‘ya, I didn’t like the fathers in them. I know you writers take liberties but I was afraid that maybe you didn’t take any at all. But that’s the thing, boys become men and men become husbands and fathers and we do the best we can. You’re doing the best you can. You’ve done good, your books will be in libraries long after we are both gone and this is important. More important is how you treat your family, I wasn’t a perfect husband but I loved your mother, and I’m glad we spent our lives together. And I am here if you need me. That is all I wanted to say.
Love, your old man.

P.S. I saw a preview of your movie the other night, it looks like a piece of shit.
        Maybe you were right.”

Al Moody
(Californication)

A New Earth

“I look into the distance, to the end of the world. Before the day is over, the end will come. First, time will tumble, and then the earth. The clouds will begin to race. The earth boils over. This is a sign. This is the beginning of the end. The world’s edge begins to crumble. Everything starts to collapse, tumble and fall. I look into the cataract. I feel an undertow. It draws me. It sucks me down. I begin to fall. A vertigo seizes upon me. Now I look at one spot in the tumbling waters. I seek one spot on which my eyes could rest. I become light, lighter, lighter. Everything becomes light. I fly upwards. Out of the tumbling and the falling a new land arises. Like a submerged Atlantis the earth rises out of the waters. I see a new earth.”

Heart of Glass